is your mom at the bar?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why did my mother make you get naked?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
