i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
