She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
