butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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