i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
