Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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