Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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