If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
