me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
