you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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