he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
