I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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