He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
