Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
3pm strippers are depressing
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
