I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
