He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think a kid would responsible me up
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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