new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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