I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
