Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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