Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
