If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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