my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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