You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
