he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
