Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
