she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
