dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
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I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
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I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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