i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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