dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
His nipple licking is glorious
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