Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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