Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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