So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We need a shit load of segways right now
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
