I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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