I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
