what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
