i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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