I am puke
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
