She announced her abortion via fbk
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
