Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
