the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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