Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you didnt know i had herpes?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
