Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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