I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
