erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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