when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
