Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
