What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
