Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
