Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
