I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
