who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
