his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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