i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
