Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You pole danced in your parka.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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