just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
So. Much. Porn.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
