when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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