I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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