I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
