I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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