you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
