Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
In America we eat man semen.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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