I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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