I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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