I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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