Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
